ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
