break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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