Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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