Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
