didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
