Will you blow on my dice?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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