i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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