i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
