they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
please come you make the beer taste better
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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