Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
