so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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