Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
