Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
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A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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