Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
