you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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