I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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