I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
