What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
