I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
