In the future we'll all be gay
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
