i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
