I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
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You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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