There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
