The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
