Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
