it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize