so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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