I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
