My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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