if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.