Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.