Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(334): View more from Alabama

I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is

(1-334): View more from Alabama

I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P

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(334): I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is (1-334): I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P http://tfl.nu/fyjw

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(623): View more from Arizona

were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.

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(623): were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds. http://tfl.nu/6mgz

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(480): View more from Arizona

I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground

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(480): I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground http://tfl.nu/mit9

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(530): View more from California

It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan

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(530): It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan http://tfl.nu/v151

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(214): View more from Texas

Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.

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(214): Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again. http://tfl.nu/1vav

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.

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(615): Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done. http://tfl.nu/9ur9

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.

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(603): All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident. http://tfl.nu/iw55

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(914): View more from New York

He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name

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(914): He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name http://tfl.nu/48t9

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(919): View more from North Carolina

what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

"bouncy castle"

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(919): what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl" (1-919): "bouncy castle" http://tfl.nu/3vde

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(509): View more from Washington

Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.

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(509): Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore. http://tfl.nu/z28x

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.

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(603): FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment. http://tfl.nu/9ddg

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Get you some cowboy.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.

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(832): Get you some cowboy. (832): In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself. http://tfl.nu/cgrb

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(276): View more from Virginia

Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish

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(276): Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish http://tfl.nu/p7ll

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(+58): View more from

James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.

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(+58): James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes. http://tfl.nu/8mur

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(707): View more from California

Hahah. They reconnected again?

(1-707): View more from California

Like with his penis I guess

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(707): Hahah. They reconnected again? (1-707): Like with his penis I guess http://tfl.nu/k3d2

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