You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
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you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed