She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED