at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
