this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.