Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(248): View more from Michigan

The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !

Fav 5 1717 970
share tweet
(+61): View more from Australia

She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.

Fav 27 6510 1068
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(609): View more from New Jersey

How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?

Fav 46 897 6273
share tweet
(970): View more from Colorado

i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final

Fav 34 1274 5813
share tweet
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Read it at the TFLN blog
(914): View more from New York

My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.

(845): View more from New York

She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?

(914): View more from New York

well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey

Fav 49 6383 1263
share tweet
(405): View more from Oklahoma

Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.

Fav 16 5235 1561
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.

Fav 14 5697 2903
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(416): View more from Toronto

You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.

Fav 3 1278 631
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(541): View more from Oregon

the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life

Fav 0 92 6
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT