there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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