Your face is a jimmy john
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
