Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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