Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
