ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
