my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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