Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
