Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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