All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
