People in love make me want to vomit
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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