take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
