I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
