Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
