Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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