I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
