Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
