So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
