New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
