I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
