Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
