I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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