in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
