okay pat passed out under dana's car
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
