maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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