how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
