our cab driver is having phone sex.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
