So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
