worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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