So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
