So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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