Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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