ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i believe in u and ur pee
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
