No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
