even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
